There’s a fog out there. I can’t see for half a mile away. It’s a bit confusing and even threatening. Also quite typically referring to the state of my brain. It only reminds me too much of certain period when. I was ready to flee, the winter, these blues, and mostly myself, or my moody reflections. Although I didn’t see it then, I can see and remember things only too quite clearly now. And if I didn’t know better, I would escape again.

In my mind I envision myself in a car on a very long trip, off to Spain or somewhere where the Sun will lighten me up. Where I will have a job in a sleezy bar, as a waitress. And lie down on a beach for the rest of the day, not especially longing to get into action.

I have never experienced these Winter Blues so intense as these days. And Lord knows, I have to blame it on something, other than my frame of mind. It distracts me, I presume, to do come to the realization that I might just be an old chagrin, bitter, sad and ready to lash out at whatever bothers me the most. I feel like that old grumpy Gremlin, sitting in the darkest corner of that pub, drinking and smoking away time.

Of course, now that I write these lines down here, it becomes crystal clear just what bothers me the most. I do drink and smoke sometimes. I’m wasting my time, as if I’m brooding for the next big thing that might just be lurking around the corner. Except, I do not know yet, what the hell I’m waiting for.

As always, I anticipate too much. And I haven’t quite learnt to see things for what they are. There’s no such thing as wasting time. And whilst I’m at it, I should be enjoying every split second of that echo which happens when you pronounce time.

Maybe that is just what this fog is teaching me.

Over mij

Hee hallo, ik ben Irene, mijn nick is Pix, en ik blog sinds 2002. Mijn schrijflust doet me vaak naar het toetsenbord grijpen. Dat alles onder het genot van veel koffie en chocolate bites, gewoon omdat alles nu eenmaal veel mooie - en lekkere - flow vergt. Enneuhm..., mijn haar zit ook nog 'es altijd goed! Zie ook mijn about-pagina.

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